Saint Mary's University of Minnesota Athletics

As I am sitting at home over my last October break as a college student, I realize one thing, I am not ready to write my senior salute or graduate in May. I never thought I would want to be in college more than four years, but I would like just one more. Don’t worry Dad; I am not going to make you pay for a fifth year. It is time to move on and hope others cherish their college experience, as I have.

My college experience with SMU Soccer started with me realizing as I was packing that I was supposed to be in Winona at that moment and I had the arrival date wrong. I remember calling my parents telling them to come home because I had to be at school, rushing to say “Good-Bye” to friends and finish packing the car. I look back and laugh now, but arriving at school I didn’t think I was ready. I had never been on my own or in a situation where I didn’t know anyone, but that was soon changed. Before I knew it, the soccer team became my family and I let Winona (reluctantly) become my second home.

As many close to me know, SMU wasn’t where I had planned to attend college. I was on my way to Tennessee, but my senior year of high school, my family’s world was changed forever with a single sentence. My dad met me at a dentist appointment and said, “Sweetheart, your Mom has cancer.” The perfect world I had grown up in was shattered and I immediately thought about the future. All the “what if’s” came rushing to my mind and I realized Tennessee was too far away. My Mom told me she would like to see me  play one year of college soccer, because that might be all she had time for. I couldn’t make sense of it all and out of the blue we got a call. It was Coach Guinn, asking me to make a visit to Saint Mary’s. Before I knew it, I was talking to Coach Halberg after an indoor soccer game then visiting Winona and sending in my conformation letter to SMU. It felt to me as if I was just going through the motions by doing what was needed for my family, but I look back at it now and think it was part of a bigger plan for me. I couldn’t imagine my life without Saint Mary’s University and the SMU Soccer Team.

Soccer was my release from thinking about cancer and even though I was a bit terrified of Coach Guinn, he and Coach Halberg gave me the chance to challenge myself on and off the field and I vividly remember one of the first “Welcome to college soccer moments.” I was on the field playing against Carleton, thinking “Hey, I can play this game” and before the thought left my mind, Coach Guinn looked at me and yelled, “Paulson, why don’t you do something that helps the team?” I will never forget this comment and neither will my teammates. This is because you can hear it clearly on the video from the game and they made sure to rewind it a few times just to hear it again and laugh. But that quote from Coach made me realize college isn’t just the next step after high school, it is a challenge to be a better form of yourself, whether it is on the field, in the class room or around the community.

I became a better soccer player that year, but even more I met people who did not just become my best friends, but my family. Over finals spring semester, I was walking home from class, with those friends and got a call. It was my Dad saying “Missy, it is time to come home.” After that was a blur of friends packing my clothes and my sister and I driving to the hospital to see my mother. She had fought cancer for almost two years without ever complaining. She continued to teach pre-school, cook dinner and make it to stand on the sidelines in rain or shine and cheer for her “favorite” daughter. My mother lost her battle and I didn’t think I could ever smile again, but the support I received from the Saint Mary’s Community helped me smile, laugh and live again. My teammates were the first ones to arrive in Ham Lake and promised to stay until I was better. My coaches were at the church for the funeral and if a teammate couldn’t make it to the funeral, they made sure I knew they were thinking about my family. None of it could bring my mother back, but it was the one thing that was able to keep me going.

I arrived back at school in the fall, ready to take life on again, I knew it was not going to be easy, but I didn’t want to be anywhere else than SMU. Playing soccer gave me the opportunity to heal. It might have been the 5:30 a.m. practices or the sprints, but I was able to stop thinking about my life and give my all to something bigger than myself. Now looking back at all the memories, I realize that is what college soccer has been about for me, being a part of something bigger than me. The wins/losses are just a part of the game, but learning to play not just on the soccer field, but in life, is the greatest reward a player can ever ask for.

I won’t say that moving on was easy, but because of my soccer teammates, I was able to deal with the ups and downs and they never let me fall. It still hurts everyday that my mother is gone, but Saint Mary’s has taught me to smile, laugh and enjoy life again. There isn’t one person to thank for this because the Saint Mary’s community as a whole has helped me heal. SMU is something special and I am honored to be a part of it. (Even though I still don’t completely understand what it is to be LaSallian.)

Even with the loss I dealt with freshmen year, I have more happy memories than I could ever remember. I have had more fun in college than I could have imagined and it is all thanks to the wonderful people I have met and Saint Mary’s University.

Coach Guinn: I know you are no longer at Saint Mary’s, but if I know you, you are keeping tabs on the season and reading the salutes. Thank you for challenging me as a soccer player and as a person. Even though freshmen year you told me you thought if you looked at me I would cry out of intimidation, I will never forget all you have taught me. I wish you all the best out of your new coaching position.

Coach Halberg: Thank you for your commitment to the soccer program. You have been the constant that people know and respect. Your constant optimism and fight to win are qualities that I hope to have. I respect you so much as a coach, but more as a person. Thank You! I know you and Coach Zimmerman will bring great success to this program.

Coach Zimmerman: I know this season hasn’t brought all the success we had all hoped, but I will take away so much more than a record. I believe you have the desire and knowledge as a coach to bring this program the success it deserves. Thank you for the effort you have shown in your first year as head coach and giving us all the chance to feel that there is renewed attitude in the soccer program.

Coach Dembiec: Thank you for stepping in last year to coach us. I know it was a huge undertaking and challenge and I respect you for taking it on.

Theresa: Even though you told me the poof was out the first time we met, I could not have asked for a better roommate. Thank you for dealing with my OCD cleaning habits and making me laugh. Whether it was staying out a bit too late or waking up in someone else’s room, I will never forget 240 in Saint Ed’s.

Carolynn and Kelsi: You weren’t my teammates, but you are my best friends, even if we only see each other once a week during season. Thank you for the laughs and the memories that we will be talking about when we have kids in college and teaching them the games we used to play, while making plans to tailgate at Packers or Twins games.

Kaufmann: Thank you for your constant friendship and trips to Dairy Queen. I know I can always confide in you and can only be mad at you for 5 minutes before we are laughing again. It has been a great 2 years of being your actual roommate and I look forward to the rest of this year.

Mess: You have not been given a fair chance to play college soccer with your injuries, but you have proven to me and others that your will to play hasn’t ever stopped. I can’t believe how tough you are and when it hurts the most, you push further. Thank you for being my friend and always laughing at my humor.

Berg: Your work ethic has inspired me at times when I didn’t think I could continue playing. You play every minute with 100% and never ask for any recognition. You are a huge part of the team and seeing you at practice everyday inspires me.

Erin: I am so lucky I was able to spend a semester with you in Italy. I think we learned more about each other there than on the soccer field. You always push me to work harder and I thank you for that. We will always have J.J. Hill in Fiesole!

Mariana and Keirra: I can’t believe you both left home to come to Winona! You are both amazing people and I feel honored to get to know both of you. You never let down and you always strive to improve and that it inspiring to me. I will learn the Canadian and Mexican national anthem before I graduate. ☺

Marnocha: Thank you for being my running buddy, I look forward to this spring and more time running with you this spring. You always have your head on straight and seem to have advise well beyond your years.

Dana: Who would have thought that after your eventful visit to SMU, we would be roommates! You are an amazing person and I never want to leave our house because of how much fun I have had being your roommate and friend. Thank you for always helping me find the “balance.” Also, thank you for fishbowls and snap kick.

Amy: I have only been able to play soccer with you for two years and I am glad I was able to play soccer with you, but I am so lucky to have you as my roommate this year. I have gotten to know you as a person and I so happy for that opportunity.

Mazzuca: Please keep the house classy when you move in to the house next year, I might still be living in the basement though. Keep working on your dance moves, they are always wonderful!

Marie, Kelsey Peyton, and Erin: I feel so lucky to have been able to play with you all the past two years. Keep up the hard work and continue to inspire others to want it as much as you all do. I am sad I don’t get to play with you all more, but I know you will all do well.

Angie, Tania and Molly: I feel I have been able to get to know you three so much more this year and it has been great to hang out with you. Keep working hard and you will all find success.

Caitlyn, Amanda, Ellie, Kelsey, Ashley, Rachel, Kelsey Brown: In only 2 months, I feel I have gotten to know all of you well and I am glad for that. You all make me laugh and help me remember how much fun freshmen year was! Enjoy every moment, weather it is studying in the library or going out together, it is all part of a great experience called college. You are all welcome over at any time, especially for dance parties. Continue to work hard and prove to the other MIAC colleges that SMU is not one to take lightly.

Will, Janie, Matt, Liz and Cindy: Even though you all still say I was adopted, I don’t believe it because I am the favorite! I never thought I would say this but thank you for never letting me get away with anything. You have all taught me so much about life and you all inspire me in several ways. I could not have asked for better brothers and sisters. I can’t imagine my life in a smaller, less crazy family (even though as a little kid that is what I wanted ☺). As we grow older, I respect each of you and am honored to call you family, (even if I am adopted.)

Daddy: You are the most unselfish, caring, fun, giving person I have ever met. It is no wonder my friends like you more than me. ☺ You taught me to work hard and give it my all and never accepted any less and I thank you for that. You are constantly working hard at everything you do and that inspires me everyday. After Mom passed away you could have given up, but you took life on head first and proved to many just how amazing you are. I can’t thank you enough for all you have done and if I am half the person you and mom raised me to be, I will be lucky.

Mom: I know you are on the sidelines of heaven cheering me on. Thank you for being by my side and always believing in me. I was so lucky to have you as a mother and I wish so badly that you were here to see me in my senior year of college. I know you have most likely seen a few mistakes I have made (most on the weekends), but I hope you are proud of the daughter you raised.

Thank you to all of you who have made my college career as wonderful as it has been. The SMU community is among the best and I am proud to be a Cardinal.